Pokemon: Idiot Edition
by BiteMarksAreLove
Summary: When every boy wants to fulfill his dream and take charge of his life, he steps out into the world to prove that he is now a man. However, sometimes a few... rejects slip through and do the same. This is their story.


_**WARNING**_! This fic contains similarities to the Pokemon Series,

but they are not at all responsible! _  
_

* * *

_"We interrupt your normal programming to bring you an urgent message from Gym Leader Ryu"._ Giving a wiggle to his brow a young, impressionable, boy turned to the TV screen with an attentive gaze. 

_"Thank you Bob,"_ called the young and handsome man appearing on the television screen, shifting the microphone he held to just below his lips; a serious and firm expression held his face. _"With recent findings, it seems that Pokemon populations have dropped drastically due to new interest in today's youth of becoming Pokemon trainings. We don't want to discourage people from making friends with these creatures; however, it has come to our attention that unless something is done we are seriously endangering the well being of Pokemon everywhere! So please... Find it in your hearts to let Pokemon stay and enjoy their natural environments; after all, this is their world too"._ Fluttering his lids, the boy thoughtfully rose a single digit to his chin as he pondered how he could help. Scanning his gaze over his room of abandoned projects it suddenly hit him, he **could** help.

"Mom! I going to become a Pokemon Master!!!"

**\+\**

Stumbling over his own legs, the aspiring Pokemon trainer raced downstairs while crying out his joy once more to his mother. "Mom! I'm going to be a Pokemon Master! Didn't you hear me?!" His mother, however, was far from impressed and had yet to avert her eyes from the dishes she so diligently scrubbed. "I'm going to become as great as Dad and then I shall bring joy to the world by becoming the best! It's my dream!"

"That's nice dear..." Still prancing about his home, the young man was oblivious to his mother's... lack of caring to his words. However, after only a few more minutes it had struck the young boy that he didn't even have but one Pokemon; the solution to this was just next door, his neighbor conveniently enough was a Pokemon Legend. Professor Evan.

"Wow," he beamed in a soft voice, the peril of this journey only now hitting him. "I'm going to be leaving for awhile... I hope I have the... Gah!" Having heard of his departure, the boy's mother had finally been relieved of her trance and was now encouraging him; forcefully.

"Daichi! Here's your bag and don't forget to wear your hat, here are some running shoes and don't don't don't forget to **not** come back until you've reached your goal! Good luck son now bye!" With the door firmly slamming shut behind him, Daichi stood there in a mild daze; only to be thrown back into reality by his mother locking the door behind him.

"Looks like your mom locked you out again Baka-mon," suavely snickered a young man standing just behind Daichi himself. Daichi let an uncaring shrug move his shoulders. "If only you were as cool as I, Eric, then she'd have at least said goodbye before kicking you out," he continued to chuckle, slowly moving his hand through his hair before giving his head a twist as his short locks bounced. However, once he turned his stare back to Daichi his brow gave a vigorous twitch; for Daichi stood there, eyes glazed as a droplet of drool hung from his lip as he stared off at a butterfly. "Pay attention Baka-mon!" Eric screamed out while slapping him upside the head.

"I don't wet the bed!" Standing there both boys began to blink profusely while awkwardly looking about, only then did Eric notice the backpack that stood at Daichi's feet.

"Dude what's that for?"

"Huh? Oh that... What is that for?" he mused to himself, once more lifting that lone digit to his chin as he became enrapt in deep thought. Quickly replaying his mornings events through his head, he gave his fingers a snap. "I'm going to become a Pokemon Master!"

"That'll never happen".

"You don't know that!"

"Yes, yes I do... You're an idiot". Deadpanning Daichi furrowed his brows while pursing his lips in a knowing manner. Silently picking up his small bag, he lazily flipped it over his shoulder and started off towards Professor Evan's lab; which to Eric's dismay, was his destination as well. "What the hell do you want with my father Baka-mon?"

"He's going to help me on my way to becoming a Pokemon Master!"

"Dude, you are an idiot. He's a Professor, that means he's a genius; he knows potential when he sees it".

**\+\**

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE GIVING HIM A POKEMON?!"

"Now son, everyone deserves a fair chance at fulfilling their dreams, and if little Daichi-kun here wants to try his luck with Pokemon, it would only brighten my day to help him along his way," beamed the professor, casually nodding his head along with his words. "Besides," he whispered directly to Eric. "He's an idiot, at least this way we can set him off well enough". Attempting to shake off his depression, Eric once more slipped his fingers through his hair; giving it a fluff while slipping his other palm in his pocket.

"Whatever". Ignoring him, Evan once more turned to Daichi whom at this point was looking idly about the room.

"So now, Daichi-kun; I'm going to give you two important assets on your quest, first you shall pick your Pokemon". Turning, the Professor drew the young man's attention to the table before him; here sat two Poke Balls both of which made Evan beam proudly to the youngster. "Both of these contain strong Pokemon, the first being a young Dragonair that I have had with me for nearly a year. He's loyal and will always protect you. The second is a young Beladon, though small he will be strong and peerless when he grows strong. So now, I give you young Daichi, first pick".

"What the hell is wrong with you father?! I am your flesh and blood, FIRST PICK SHOULD BE MINE! I helped you catch those Pokemon on our journeys! I almost died catching you that fucking Dragonair!" Suddenly stricken with a nostalgic night mare of the day he absentmindedly lifted out a hand and pawed at the air. _"No, father I can't do it!"_

_"Just a bit farther son, lava wont burn you that badly". Following his father's command, the younger vision of Eric took another step onto that unstable ledge; throwing a Poke Ball towards the distressed Dragonair before falling. _

_"MERCIFUL LORD IT BURNS!"_

"Oh God!" Eric screeched out, holding himself while trembling terribly; cold sweat dripping from is face.

"Riiiight". Rolling his eyes, Professor Evan turned idly away from his child back to Daichi; who's eyes had now fallen to a Poke Ball, in his mind he had made his decision!

"I want..." Daichi trailed off, leaving a lingering suspense in the air that made all lean expectantly forward. "I want... That one!" He cried, proudly pointing at the small orb of red and white.

"Daichi..." Evan trailed, remorsefully following the direction of the young man's finger. "That's..."

"I've made up my mind and I want the Pokemon in that ball!"

"You don't understand Daichi, you see in that ball is a Ratatta; one I've done... experiments on..."

"That just means it needs the most love I can give!" Daichi squealed, anxiously holding his hands out to retrieve the little ball that held his new best friend; his first in fact. Having found composure, Eric stepped around the young man with a grunt.

"You are a disgrace Baka-mon. Now you worthless git, give me the Dragonair," Eric growled, holding out a single hand and waiting impatiently to get his Pokemon.

"No, you can have the other one," the Professor grunted while tossing the obvious reject of the bunch to his son. "Now Daichi, I have one more thing to give you; this, this here is a Master Ball. It will catch any Pokemon you throw it at without fail, understand? It's priceless!"

"What the hell is wrong with you father?! I am your flesh and blood, THAT MASTER BALL SHOULD BE MINE! It says so in the will! DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH SHIT I'VE PUT UP FROM YOU AND THAT MUTATED POKEMON YOU CALL MOM?!" Once more falling plague to memories past, Eric cries out.

"Just stop now son, the readers don't give a shit about your baggage..." Shaking his head, clearly ashamed, he once more gazed upon Daichi; who was stuffing the 'priceless' object into his pack with the same care he had learned from his mother. "I'm also going to give you a regular Poke Ball and a few revives, now go my boy!" Cried the professor, scooting him towards the door. "Oh and a PokeDex because... Well frankly I'm to lazy to do my own work so I expect you to make me famous. Bye now!"

"Father!"

"You too boy, out!" Once more being forcibly tossed out of a building, Daichi took on that glazed look of before; only being brought back to reality by the sound of Eric crashing into the ground.

"If only you were as cool as I, Daichi, then he'd have at least refrained from throwing your ass out the door," cackled Daichi victoriously, pumping his fists in the air while jogging off; leaving his bloodied rival behind. "All fear the Baka-mon! Arooooo!"

**\+\**

"Alright, I'm here... On my own in the wilderness of wilderness. Someone's watching me... I can feel it!" Flailing his head about, Daichi twisted and turned, though, expertly stopped himself from falling onto the ground. "I can see you! Come out why don't you and face me like a man!" Tossing his fists in the air, Daichi swung wildly; only freezing once a ruffle in the bushes sounded. "Ha! Come out fearsome foe and face my wrath! For I am THE ULTIMATE POKEMON MASTER!" It was going to be a long journey, of all the things Daichi's mother had thrown in his backpack; his anti-psychotics were not one of them.

"Gur-urg galow". Freezing in place, Daichi stared in amazement as small creature fell from the bushes.

"Fancy flying chickens, is that... It is! It's a Pokemon!" As the creature sat their idly, it gave it's body a tilt while watching the loud human boy with a curious stare. Humming to himself, Daichi sifted through his pack and removed from a pouch the PokeDex Professor Evan had bestowed him with just a few moments of earlier. "Who's that Pokemon?!" squealed the boy, holding the device out; the scanning end pointed frantically at himself. Staring at the device, he waited anxiously for it to give him results. "What is a Huu-man?" Blinking profusely to the device he gave his head a shake and stuffed it once more into the depths of his pockets. "Whatever! I shall fight you anyway green... Globby... Thing of doom!"

"Gur-urg galow". Groping along his belt, Daichi clasped the small Poke Ball in his hand; winding back his arm before tossing it out and calling,

"Ratatta, I call upon your fangs to devour this... thing!" With a lame bounce to the ground, the small purple furred rat Pokemon emerged from a glowing light. Quivering and averting it's eyes around fearfully, the creature rested them upon the boy in amazement. For his years of experiments left him fearful of all; especially things that crept up... Behind him. "Now, Growl!" Blinking innocently up to him, the small creature was instantly grateful that his purpose in life had change. Accepting Daichi as his trainer, the mouse like Pokemon turned vicious and growled.

"Rrrrraw!" With a mildly dazed look in his eyes, the small green glob of a Pokemon looked mildly frightened; attempting to prepare his weak body for the attack he knew was coming.

"Gurg! Gurg! Gurg!"

"Now... growl again Ratatta!" Blinking profusely the small creature rationed that he was under the care of not just a child with no sex drive, but a brilliant tactician! He was lucky indeed.

"Rrrrraw!" Even throwing in a clawing arm, the small creature appeared fierce. To it, the small green creature continued to cower, turning his head back into his elongated body while giving off a quiver.

"Growl my pretty! Growl again!" Slumping his shoulders the Rattata, looked lamely over to his supposed Master and miserably let out another little cry, the ferociousness of earlier gone.

"Rrrrr..." And to add to the creature's pain, his opponent had also realized the idiocy of the human.

"Gurg galow!" it cried while the small creature lunged towards the once more terrified mouse Pokemon. Using his barbed tail, the unknown Pokemon swept his appendage forward and caught his furred opponent in the face with his sledge like hammer of a tail.

**\+\**

"ARGHHHHH!" Daichi squealed as he ran through the forest, his fainted Pokemon in his hands as the green hued creature continued to chase them down. "I'm up for a nap as much as the next guy! But that Huu-man is still chasing us!"

Suddenly; Daichi screeched to a halt, placing his index finger to his chin in an oblivious manner, "Wait... Why am I running?" Standing there in complete confusion he looked down at his self-appointed ally and shook his head vigorously. "Ratty-mon! NO! Who did this to you?!"

Tossing his bag to the side, she thrust the unconscious creature's body to the ground, pounding on his chest with a fist. "Live damn you! LIVE!"

"Galow! Galow!" cried the small caterpillar like Pokemon of only moment ago, to the sudden attack Daichi fell backwards; his backpack, somehow knowingly, opening and throwing out a vial of potion Professor Evan had given him. Watch the bottle seemingly float through the air in slow motion; Daichi's face contorted to numerous expressions of terror and amazement. And once more, by miraculous circumstance, the bottle somehow magically made it's way to the beaten body of his Ratatta. "Gurg-urg!" With a few drops of the liquid seeping it's way past his furry lips, Ratatta gave his head a shake to the bitter taste and rose to his feet, once more apt for battle!

"YES! I knew I could do this!" cried the novice trainer, taking credit for such a mere coincidence as he had planned the entire thing. Ratatta could only shake his still woozy head.

Once more, the caterpillar like animal gave another charge towards Daichi as he began to cower, but with a fierce determination Ratatta had defended him by using the most awesome attack the boy had ever witnessed, a tail whip. "All right, Ratatta! Lets do this now!" Daichi cried, watching as the buldging green Pokemon was sent toppling over to Ratatta's defensive block.

The Ratatta looked to him with a look of utter disappointment, but nodded and decided to humor this, _so called trainer._ "Use your new technique, tail whip, go Ratty-mon!" Daichi cackled manically. At his wits end. Ratatta muffled out a faint squeak and ignored his command, tackling instead!

In the instant, Daichi's finger touched his chin and questioned out loud, "That wasnt what you did before. Oh my god! You aren't listening to me, are you?! Well... Well we'll just have to send you back to the professor" To that very thought, Ratatta's little eyes bugged out as he began whipping his tail furiously at the now unconscious green Pokemon, all in effort to save himself from the _so-called experiments_ probably being conducted on some other Pokemon at this very moment.

To Ratatta's relief, Daichi was satisfied with the show and called back into the Poke Ball. "All right! We did something! If we can get out of this forest we should be good to go"

**\+\**

Having been slinking around, in his _spy mode_, Daichi had been wondering out with aspirations to capture a new Pokemon; Ratatta was getting lonely, he could sense it! It was almost to the point of appearing bleak and pointless before Daichi finally heard something; just on the other side of the tall grass. "Shh," he whispered to his little red and white orb. "She's your new friend, I just know it!"

Slowly peering over the line of grass, his eyes rested upon a small gathering, as it seemed, of Pokemon! "Jackpot!" he giggled, quickly scanning the over sized dog like animals before his eyes rested upon one in particular. "Wow, its... Like nothing I've ever seen!" he muttered out. Quickly groping in his backpack pocket, he retrieved his faulty PokeDex; this time properly pointing it towards his target. "What the hell? This thing must be broken..." He huffed, rapping the side. "This Huu-man doesn't look like the last one..."

Looking back up, the lanky peach toned Pokemon stood silently brushing another one; the other being large and orange. Giving his Poke Ball a shake, he nodded his head in the direction of his future Pokemon. "Look at its yellow eyes, they glow in rage I tell you! She will be a tough one... I know what it is... This is no normal Pokemon..." He trailed off, giving the trapped Ratatta another shake. "It's a Rabies-mon! The deadliest of deadly!" Quickly shoving the Poke Ball back into his belt, he retrieved his empty one and readied himself. The element of surprise would aid him well in this, this, his perilous capture. "If I die Ratatta, I want you to eat my body... So there's no evidence".

"What the hell...?" Blinking her eyes in a confused manner, the young woman whom was just brushing her beloved Arcanine turned to see a boy just about her own age. Growling faintly to the intrusion, she quickly re-summoned the oversized dog back into his Poke Ball. "What do you want boy?" she snarled, throwing her arm and accusingly points to him.

"All right, you Huu-man, today is the day I catch you!" Daichi cried out, pumping a fist in the air while throwing the Poke Ball out towards her. However to this, the young girl lofted a brow and moved a hand to her hip.

"Did you just say I was a Pokem- Gah!" letting out a screech, the device unknowingly attempted to enwrap her in its bright light, sucking her into the orb. "What the hell! You bastard I'm going to hurt you!" she screamed, pounding on the edge of the ball; rocking it as it lay innocently on the grass.

Daichi watched in anticipation as the ball once more gave rock, biting his nails he leaned ever closer to the contraption as it started to give another sway. "Almost!" However; to his dismay, the girl had broken free of the ball, landing gracelessly on the ground.

"What the fuck are you thinking you crazy bastard?! Have you any intelligence at all! I am a person, in fact, a highly regarded Pokemon trainer! You should be groveling at my feet!" Brushed the dirt off from her long fur coat she scoffed towards him. Again the index finger went idly to his chin; he thought about this, considering whether or not this was a person.

"Okay, I will test you than! If you are a person, than you must have a name What is your name?" Clearly displeased with the boy's lack of respect, she crossed her arms impatiently and complied.

"My name is Hanoe".

"Hanoe, huh? Sounds like a name of a Pokemon!" Suddenly whipping out his secret weapon, his master ball, Daichi let out a blood curdling howl before throwing it in her direction. "HA! I knew I could distract you with my superior logic! You stupid Pokemon! I even know what you are. You are a Rabies-mon! I seen the foam coming from your mouth and your teeth gnashing at me! Not to mention the fur coat that appears to be of mange!"

Not able to escape the absolute power of the Master Ball, Hanoe was left to wriggle helplessly in the ball, her words barely escaping her confinements. "When I get out of here, Mark my words, I will kill you! I am not a Pokem-" Happily stuffing his new capture in his pocket, Daichi once more began traipsing off; able to hear the faint sounds of a town in the distance.

"Yep, one day she will be a good Pokemon to battle with... I will show all I am going to be a Pokemon Master!"

* * *

**Brought to you by Daichi and Hanoe!**


End file.
